Satisfaction.

I have this pain.
A pain that racks my brain 24/7.
I don't know what to do about it. My rational brain displays all the consequences and its clear that i don't want it to happen BUT,
My irrational brain wants the power, the control and the satisfaction that it cant seem to find anywhere else.
And guess which brain has the majority vote.

The thoughts pain me, send me into this whirlwind of horror, disgust and shame. But i don't know how else i can move forward without carrying the thoughts through. It's as if they have force over me.
I have been fighting this particular obstacle for a week now and i have finally decided what i need to do, emphasis on the need here.
I have had to make a plan in order to move on with my life, otherwise i would be stuck in this time frame, ruining all my new and exciting experiences.

'So i bare my skin & i count my sins & i close my eyes & i take it in'
It's the only way i know to fix this feeling and at the minute fixing my pain is my main priority.
| Rachel