Anxiety over Food & Painkillers...

(Taken from my personal journal)

Friday 5^thOctober

What a crap day.

I have felt absolutely down in the dumps, miserable and just lost. Work and the people at work just brought me down. I have been taking my paracetamol for a whole week now, at a minimum of 4 everyday with a max of upto 8. But I feel like they have stopped working. 

First off I have had a pumping headache all day therefore all my timings and dosage have gone out of the window. I have researched co codamol and have decided to take a trip to Sainsburys to buy some. However to my suprise you can only buy them behind the counter, which scared me for some reason.

I have been thinking about my anxiety and noticed the two most prominent issues that have been re occuring and making all my anxiety symptoms fly up are any situation to do with food (eating certain foods or buying food) and painkillers. 

Today clarified my food problem more clearly. I went to buy my lunch at (food place) and I try to avoid that as much as possible, sometimes not going and only taking a trip to the vending machines which I did last week. But today I took the plunge, however felt panic, breathless, my hands were shaking and I felt sick. I just wanted to run out of the shop. But I didnt and managed to make it back to work, but had to calm myself down before I could eat my sandwich. I have also noticed the same symptoms when I am around food in a super market. I stand a couple of inches away from the food laid out, as if it is diseased. I tend to grab what I went for and move away from the food isles. It is a really uncomfortable situation and again I just want to run away as soon as I can.

With the paracetamol the symptoms are exactly the same. I usually feel the panic and anxiety before I have the tablets or if I dont have any etc. I have to have a certain amount stored in different places at all times, so that I know if I ever need them, they will be there. Usually I have certain patterns to follow, such as which tabblets I take, type, brand etc. I always stick to the timings and dosage. However this past week I have frequently forgotten how many I have taken within the day and the timings have gone all to pot. It is making me frightened of my ability to not think about what I doing/taking. 

-Jayne Doe